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MYSTERY BANG REVEALED – EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE

Local residents were rocked by a deafening noise on 29th December, and have been scratching their heads ever since.

The cause of the ruckus has now been identified as a group of Dovorians, led by the intrepid Derek, as they attempted to thwart an apocalyptic alien invasion on Citadel Road.

Derek and his crew of amateur alien hunters were walking home from doing…something…in the car park on Military Hill…when they suddenly found themselves to be humanity’s last line of defense against a merciless foe from outer space, as this amazing footage will show.

When contacted, Derek told the Depress “I’m a Derek and Dereks don’t run!”.

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