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TURMOIL as Deal mail gets delayed

Royal Mail have today announced potentially disastrous service changes to grip areas of Deal.

In an effort to increase efficiency, routes will be changed to take into account the general decrease in letters being delivered.  This could result in mail being delivered LATER IN THE DAY than it currently is.

It could equally lead to mail being delivered earlier, or at the same time.  But that wouldn’t make for an attention grabbing headline.

We told local residents they were distraught today when these plans came to light.

One local woman said to us “I’m devastated” but we’re not entirely sure she understood the question.

A Royal Mail spokesman told us today “Mail will either be delivered earlier than usual, later than usual, or at the same time as usual.  We have no plans to start delivering mail before it was posted, nor do we anticipate a reduction in the amount of mail  we pack into large drums and burn to keep warm in the warehouse.  Which is, of course, none.”

We spoke to a particularly vocal local postie, who had plenty to say on the matter. He told us “Most people didn’t give a flying **** about the privatisation of the Post Office when the ******** were selling it off for a pittance on the pound, but threaten to deliver a gas bill 20 minutes later and suddenly everyone goes mental.

“You people make me sick. I bet you’d have complained if the band on the Titanic wasn’t playing your song as you slid into icy oblivion.”

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