Dover residents were fuming today when it was discovered that there are other ANIMALS living in the town, sometimes near people.
The Depress has been inundated with reports of animal sightings from all over and rats the size of RATS are newsworthy for some reason.
Other confirmed sightings of this so called “wildlife” include “ducks” BEGGING for scraps in local parks, “fish” polluting the rivers, and “seagulls” RAIDING bins.
Reports of bears defecating in the woods are unconfirmed.
We spoke to one local Terry Nutkins lookalike in Pencester Gardens who described certain areas of the Dour as “like a real life Wind in the Willows it is”. He then went on to use the word “OUTRAGE” when asked about something entirely different, so we’re able to quote it out of context, and in bold.