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TERROR as Dover PLUNGED into darkness

Dover was thrown back into the Dark Ages last week as a small localised area of the town was without electricity for several HOURS, a DOVER source has EXPRESSed.

The blackout was the result of a fault with the underground cables on a high voltage network that was reportedly disturbed by subterranean UKIP supporters waking up from hibernation to the sound of EU referendum.

The most affected location in the area was the town’s very own Leisure Centre, forcing the business to suspend services for up to 90 minutes.

When the Depress spoke to the manager of the centre, Mr G Brittas, he described the chaos.

“It was a shock for us all when the electricity went! We were forced to suspend all fitness classes and had no choice but to close all the squash courts as they were subjected to the darkness. It was lucky that we had our new eco-friendly bike system installed. Poor Mr Mackay felt obliged to help out and completed 78 additional miles on the cycle machine. Bless him, he managed to supply enough electricity to run both vending machines, the only hairdryer in the female changing rooms and the TV in the bar so Susan, our receptionist, was able to watch the rest of Pointless during her break.”

The centre is set to be moving to Whitfield or Buckland Mill in the near future. However some sources suggest that this is a little drastic considering it was only one power cut.

Some locals have inevitably started a petition, but as it stands the Mackay Memorial Leisure Centre will be completed as planned when the right location as been decided.

B Ramsey.

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