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FUNKY MONKEY to own ALL Dover businesses by 2018

Plans were unveiled today for the ambitious scheme that would see the popular nightspot bringing every business in the town into its brand.

Dubbed “Funky Monkey Lifestyle”, or FML, the proposal would bring new opportunities to the town’s ailing high street, say Management in their press release.

“We believe the proposal would bring new opportunities to the town’s ailing high street.”


“Our aim will be to give customers the same great experience they’ve come to expect from a night in the Monkey wherever they choose to spend their Monkey Bucks™” it continues.

We spoke to several local shoppers to get their views.

“I think it’s brilliant” spouted one man. “Imagine waking up in the afternoon, finding your pockets stuffed with Monkey Bucks™, and actually being able to put them in the bank or something. When the booze wears off, anyway. And 4 Sourz for £5 will make queuing at the Post Office much more fun.”

“No thanks mate, I ain’t got any change.” said another.

Not everyone is happy with the developments though, with some locals and one very confused racist from Delaware inevitably starting an e-petition.

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